Give her a kiss from me
Support comes in many forms
In my last post I wrote about viewing my much younger self as a daughter and this thought has stuck with me since. I spent a lot of time with my inner child — she has a name and everything (hi Susie, I love you) — so it’s not a stretch to want to connect with my younger adult selves, but the energy and concept of daughter-self feels different, more potent somehow. I haven’t found the right words for this yet, so I’m letting it brew.
Meanwhile, my beloved cat received another diagnosis yesterday and more confirmation we’re getting closer to her transition time. This morning, in tears while washing my face, I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and felt the energy of an older self come in. In my head I felt-thought 60-year-old me. Not so much older that she seems far away — me in less than 10 years, in fact. And I felt-thought — what would my 60-year-old self say, looking at me now as her younger daughter self?
Here’s what I heard:
“This loss was so hard for you to bear, my daughter, I remember it like yesterday. And it opened such an important door, one you knew was coming but hadn’t felt ready for, but you were! That door brought you to me. And look at the life we’ve made! Look at all the love we’re surrounded by. Your love and connection to Baba was the foundation for all of this we have now. The animal loves, the human loves. The community. The sweet home we make our memories in — she midwifed this life for you, she carried you here to be with me and that’s why we scattered her ashes under the magnolia tree. She was always your home, and now we are home together. I know it’s hard, my tender daughter self, and you will be okay. Give her a kiss from me.”
Awww. Susannah, my heart goes out to you. You're modeling anticipatory grief so beautifully with your words and photos. I wish you peace, comfort, and strength as you walk Baba home. I believe we will be reunited with our fur babies and all of our loved ones when it is our time to go home... until then carry her in your heart. 🌈🐈💙
Hi Susannah, thank you for putting this out in the world. I feel for you and Baba. I am turning 60 next month, and am grieving the loss and celebrating the lives of Shinto and Shiva, the two ginger cats I shared my life with for almost 21 years - a third of my lifetime. I feel your love for Baba, I feel the anticipation of the upcoming loss, and I feel the weight and the meanig of the place Baba has and will continue to have in your life.