Thank you for sharing this with us Susannah. Some of what you have already shared & remembering meeting a friend of a friend who has hypersensitive hearing (she could hear the electricity from the wall outlets!), let me help a woman who called in to our office. I work for a commercial landscaper & we generally don't talk to homeowners, just the property management companies, but she got our number from one of our trucks. We were doing tree trimming/removing next door to her house & the management company hadn't given notice that this was going to happen. All those loud noises triggered her - she told me she had shut herself into her closest & she was crying & could barely speak. But thanks to what I have learned here, I was able to calm her down. I let her know that they would be stopping for an hour for lunch soon and what time they would be quitting for the day. That way she could leave if she needed to.
So, again, thank you for sharing - you never do know when something you say can help someone else.
Oh my goodness, so much of what you describe of your experience of life rings true to me. Not *everything* but a lot! I've often thought of seeking out a diagnosis but something keeps stopping me. I don't know how it would actually change or benefit my life, I guess. I am so glad you have found some answers and relief, and so grateful to you for sharing.
I've been low-key concerned that I might have ADHD ever since a friend began sending me all her ADHD TikTok favs, but this is the first account I've read that actually sounds exactly like me. I'm not sure I can handle another major diagnosis this year (been trying to make room for the Hashimoto's I've been dealing with apparently most of my life?!), but now I strongly suspect I might need to get diagnosed.
Finding my way to a diagnosis has turned out to be the best thing that happened this year. No magical cure, obviously, and it's been more emotional than i'd thought it would be, but so VERY helpful to have this piece of information!
thank you for this. I am 44 and have never had a official diagnosis, but I can identify with pretty much everything in this post. I work freelance and it is very hard to keep motivated but I do have those "six weeks of creativity" type times and then I feel like I'm just waiting on the next thing and can't seem to focus on what is the next thing. I have been this way all of my life. When I work for someone else I am fine but working for myself I don't have the same deadlines and accountability and is it hard. I have found ways to work around some but it still happens.
I'm a 57-year-old female and was diagnosed with ADHD a month ago. So much of what you write here brought tears to my eyes because - yes. I've had similar struggles my entire life. I've felt 'wrong' but never understood the cause. So often, I went the self-improvement route and then felt horrible that I couldn't make myself better (aka, to be like others).
Yes, a later in life diagnosis is a mixed blessing. It's understanding that I'm not like others for a reason. It's seeing my quirks and struggles in a completely different light. When I went to my physician to request medication, she told me to try therapy and meditation first! As if I haven't used a slew of coping mechanisms for decades!
Thank you for this article. I'll be sharing it with family and friends as you explain things in a way that I would probably botch.
Thank you Susan, so glad you got your diagnosis too, but gosh, it's so frustrating to get a response like that from your doctor -- aaargh! I've had something similar from mine too. I will continue to write about what I figure out 👍❤️
I have worked as a psychotherapist with a few people in the past few years who we've come to realize they had undiagnosed ADD into adulthood. When they've been able to accept the diagnosis and then to treat it, they have expressed the sadness and excitement of which you speak in your piece. I agree with your doctor that you have done an amazing job creating and living work-arounds for your life. You have what I call an innate ability to use your creativity, intelligence, self-esteem, and resilience to make things mostly work for you. Imagine all the people with undiagnosed ADD/ADHD without that strength or innate ability? A great many in our prison systems are people with ADD/ADHD. Children who grew into adults without ever knowing that it was the way their minds and bodies clashed with their environments that made them different, needing to receive treatment, not punishment.
I can identify with so much of this, including the part about going from newspaper jobs to freelance writing. I, too, was diagnosed at 49. Occasionally I would hear the odd interview with someone with ADHD, and would ring a tiny little bell that I barely listened to. It wasn't until I met my life partner (at 41) that my traits were really reflected back to me, and I could clearly see how my imagined self wasn't matching up with my real self.
At the moment, I'm in a bit of a grief stage, because I don't have quite the same fire and desire I once did, around my life goals. I had a cancer diagnosis (now recovered) in 2015, and OMG what chemo does to the brain when you have ADHD (which I didn't know at the time).
I look forward to more posts about this topic, from you, and hopefully, I will be posting a little about ADHD as well.
I love your work, Susannah. One day, you will find me registered in one of your courses.
Hi Susannah! I'm so glad your diagnosis is helping you understand years of pain -- I have a lot of friends who self-diagnose as having ADHD and I'm learning about it alongside them. I'm currently reading the book "Scattered" by Dr. Gabor Mate. It's an older book (published in 1999), but his insights into the developmental causes of ADD are profound. He has ADHD himself and worked with ADHD patients, and his insights into the relationships between trauma, physiology, and psychology are comprehensive and deeply compassionate. Highly recommended.
Thank you for sharing this love, I hope your vulnerability hangover from this one isn't as bad as your assessment one. I've been trying to put together things from my past that would help with a diagnosis and I remember that one time in primary school I twirled my hair into such a bad knot that my hair had to be cut from my finger - so you're definitely not along with hair fidget! I also asked my Mum about it and she said 'oh you were never hyperactive but I would find you in your room with 4/5 books spread out in front of you as if you were trying to soak it all in and I could never let you get bored'. I think ADHD misunderstanding in girls/women is such a huge thing. Big hugs
Oh my goodness. I feel such deep emotion as I read this. I can feel the significance of your journey beneath your words and I am so happy you have your answer now. And very grateful to you for sharing your experiences.
I’m only a few weeks behind you in terms of having my assessment (3 weeks time!), but I’ve been sitting with this unfolding awareness for a few weeks longer. It’s a big thing to wrap your being around. Thank goodness for the internet so we know we’re not alone!
I’m circling back around to my own comment, to share that I got diagnosed yesterday. I barely know what to do with all my emotions today. Or wtf to do next! But like you, I’m grateful to know that I haven’t failed at Adulting or Peopling, I just have a uniquely magical brain 💗
ohhh, welcome to the club, love! There's a lot to unravel and it's been an emotional ride! But the realisations keep on coming and the gratitude for having an answer remains -- you've go this ❤️❤️
Thanks so much lovely. I’m so very grateful for you for sharing your journey and experiences. I’ll be doing the same once I feel more able to find the words! Xx
I was diagnosed with ADD years ago and have many workarounds in place. I never realized that my not remembering to reach out to people is part of my ADD
As always, thoughtfully explored and perfectly you! The more we see neurodivergence in all its forms through all parts of the world, the more we all grow. Thank you for sharing this new awareness and love you! (as an introvert who also periodically goes into a hole and comes back to friends and family as if no time has past, I am sending you a high five for that trait 🥰)
Very excited for you to now know that your were never “crazy” just different .
I have adhd too - diagnosis late sept last year when I couldn’t study for my exam . I am now 51 year. Like you I too am fearful of drugs . But here’s the kicker. They are not addicting . I tell my own patients to go off them over the weekends if they want to . I use vyvanse - it’s a prodrug and is only released once the lysine which it is attached to is broken off the amphetaime . Once it has metabolized - it’s done and you go back to “crazy” you lol .
There is no high feeling . You just function and focus on the task at hand . Mind you , you can still become distracted but the medication allows you to focus on what you want to focus on . It has regulated my mood a lot . I’m normally very reactive but now I sit there quietly as my partner goes blah blah blah . Lol .
Try it for a week and see the difference . I promise you , you will write more courses in half the time.
If you are still perimenopausal - your fluctuating hormones will alter your adhd symptoms .
Look up the attitudemag. Com and search for woman with adhd. There is a video by a psychiatrist.
There’s nothing to feel ashamed about . Adhd folks make great hackers in life . Our sense of coping skills is far better than most out there .
Google Dr Sarah Binder . She’s a psychiatrist in Canada who works with adhd patients and gave a webinar on adhd in women. I think the video is either on attitudemag or CADDAC website. I love her insight and attend all of her webinars when invited.
I encourage you to entertain the idea of a trial for just a week or so . It primes the “no i don’t want drugs” mindset to be open an accepting of whatever the results.
If you try vyvanse - ask for 10mg to start off with . It’s below the starting dose of 20mg but I do this with patients to give them the opportunity to deal with any mild nausea or headaches that may come with the medication use. Some stay on this dose and some titrate up . Curiosity leads to the increase in dosing until they realize “oh I get the same effects with a lower dose”. The reason I like vyvanse - it’s releases the amphetaime at a stable dose throughout the day and kicks in within an hour . It can last in your system for up to 12-14 hours but some are fast metabolizers and the Med wears off sooner .
If you try concerta which is methylphenidate , it has a OROS releasing system . A spike and then steady release. Start on the lowest dose too . Many patients can’t tolerate the spike and feel stir crazy .
Other adhd meds work on the “bead release system “ so there’s never a feeling of “steady state”.
I suggest a long acting Med over a short acting Med as you don’t want to be “remembering” yet another task to take your second pill .
I have an excellent chart on all of the medication used in adhd . I will email this to you :)
Thank you so much for all this! I'm actually very open to trying medication as a tool to support me -- I'd love to see that chart, thank you Natasha ❤️❤️
Thank you for all this, hon! I wouldn't take a pill to change my brain to "normal" but i'm actually very open to trying medication to see how it can support me, so very encouraging to read your insights, thank you!
Thanks for letting us know, Susannah. Just touching base again after having lost touch a year or two ago. Sending all my love and best wishes.
Hi lovely you! ❤️
Thank you for sharing this with us Susannah. Some of what you have already shared & remembering meeting a friend of a friend who has hypersensitive hearing (she could hear the electricity from the wall outlets!), let me help a woman who called in to our office. I work for a commercial landscaper & we generally don't talk to homeowners, just the property management companies, but she got our number from one of our trucks. We were doing tree trimming/removing next door to her house & the management company hadn't given notice that this was going to happen. All those loud noises triggered her - she told me she had shut herself into her closest & she was crying & could barely speak. But thanks to what I have learned here, I was able to calm her down. I let her know that they would be stopping for an hour for lunch soon and what time they would be quitting for the day. That way she could leave if she needed to.
So, again, thank you for sharing - you never do know when something you say can help someone else.
Happy New Year!
sue
Oh my goodness, so much of what you describe of your experience of life rings true to me. Not *everything* but a lot! I've often thought of seeking out a diagnosis but something keeps stopping me. I don't know how it would actually change or benefit my life, I guess. I am so glad you have found some answers and relief, and so grateful to you for sharing.
I've been low-key concerned that I might have ADHD ever since a friend began sending me all her ADHD TikTok favs, but this is the first account I've read that actually sounds exactly like me. I'm not sure I can handle another major diagnosis this year (been trying to make room for the Hashimoto's I've been dealing with apparently most of my life?!), but now I strongly suspect I might need to get diagnosed.
Finding my way to a diagnosis has turned out to be the best thing that happened this year. No magical cure, obviously, and it's been more emotional than i'd thought it would be, but so VERY helpful to have this piece of information!
I'm so sorry that no one addressed this sooner for you ❤️
thank you for this. I am 44 and have never had a official diagnosis, but I can identify with pretty much everything in this post. I work freelance and it is very hard to keep motivated but I do have those "six weeks of creativity" type times and then I feel like I'm just waiting on the next thing and can't seem to focus on what is the next thing. I have been this way all of my life. When I work for someone else I am fine but working for myself I don't have the same deadlines and accountability and is it hard. I have found ways to work around some but it still happens.
I'm a 57-year-old female and was diagnosed with ADHD a month ago. So much of what you write here brought tears to my eyes because - yes. I've had similar struggles my entire life. I've felt 'wrong' but never understood the cause. So often, I went the self-improvement route and then felt horrible that I couldn't make myself better (aka, to be like others).
Yes, a later in life diagnosis is a mixed blessing. It's understanding that I'm not like others for a reason. It's seeing my quirks and struggles in a completely different light. When I went to my physician to request medication, she told me to try therapy and meditation first! As if I haven't used a slew of coping mechanisms for decades!
Thank you for this article. I'll be sharing it with family and friends as you explain things in a way that I would probably botch.
Thank you Susan, so glad you got your diagnosis too, but gosh, it's so frustrating to get a response like that from your doctor -- aaargh! I've had something similar from mine too. I will continue to write about what I figure out 👍❤️
I have worked as a psychotherapist with a few people in the past few years who we've come to realize they had undiagnosed ADD into adulthood. When they've been able to accept the diagnosis and then to treat it, they have expressed the sadness and excitement of which you speak in your piece. I agree with your doctor that you have done an amazing job creating and living work-arounds for your life. You have what I call an innate ability to use your creativity, intelligence, self-esteem, and resilience to make things mostly work for you. Imagine all the people with undiagnosed ADD/ADHD without that strength or innate ability? A great many in our prison systems are people with ADD/ADHD. Children who grew into adults without ever knowing that it was the way their minds and bodies clashed with their environments that made them different, needing to receive treatment, not punishment.
I can identify with so much of this, including the part about going from newspaper jobs to freelance writing. I, too, was diagnosed at 49. Occasionally I would hear the odd interview with someone with ADHD, and would ring a tiny little bell that I barely listened to. It wasn't until I met my life partner (at 41) that my traits were really reflected back to me, and I could clearly see how my imagined self wasn't matching up with my real self.
At the moment, I'm in a bit of a grief stage, because I don't have quite the same fire and desire I once did, around my life goals. I had a cancer diagnosis (now recovered) in 2015, and OMG what chemo does to the brain when you have ADHD (which I didn't know at the time).
I look forward to more posts about this topic, from you, and hopefully, I will be posting a little about ADHD as well.
I love your work, Susannah. One day, you will find me registered in one of your courses.
This is so resonant and similar to my experience of getting diagnosed at 48. You've expressed it so beautifully, as always.
Hi Susannah! I'm so glad your diagnosis is helping you understand years of pain -- I have a lot of friends who self-diagnose as having ADHD and I'm learning about it alongside them. I'm currently reading the book "Scattered" by Dr. Gabor Mate. It's an older book (published in 1999), but his insights into the developmental causes of ADD are profound. He has ADHD himself and worked with ADHD patients, and his insights into the relationships between trauma, physiology, and psychology are comprehensive and deeply compassionate. Highly recommended.
Yes! I've been reading Scattered -- parts of it resonate and other parts don't, but very very interesting!
Thank you for sharing this love, I hope your vulnerability hangover from this one isn't as bad as your assessment one. I've been trying to put together things from my past that would help with a diagnosis and I remember that one time in primary school I twirled my hair into such a bad knot that my hair had to be cut from my finger - so you're definitely not along with hair fidget! I also asked my Mum about it and she said 'oh you were never hyperactive but I would find you in your room with 4/5 books spread out in front of you as if you were trying to soak it all in and I could never let you get bored'. I think ADHD misunderstanding in girls/women is such a huge thing. Big hugs
Oh my goodness. I feel such deep emotion as I read this. I can feel the significance of your journey beneath your words and I am so happy you have your answer now. And very grateful to you for sharing your experiences.
I’m only a few weeks behind you in terms of having my assessment (3 weeks time!), but I’ve been sitting with this unfolding awareness for a few weeks longer. It’s a big thing to wrap your being around. Thank goodness for the internet so we know we’re not alone!
I’m circling back around to my own comment, to share that I got diagnosed yesterday. I barely know what to do with all my emotions today. Or wtf to do next! But like you, I’m grateful to know that I haven’t failed at Adulting or Peopling, I just have a uniquely magical brain 💗
ohhh, welcome to the club, love! There's a lot to unravel and it's been an emotional ride! But the realisations keep on coming and the gratitude for having an answer remains -- you've go this ❤️❤️
Thanks so much lovely. I’m so very grateful for you for sharing your journey and experiences. I’ll be doing the same once I feel more able to find the words! Xx
I was diagnosed with ADD years ago and have many workarounds in place. I never realized that my not remembering to reach out to people is part of my ADD
As always, thoughtfully explored and perfectly you! The more we see neurodivergence in all its forms through all parts of the world, the more we all grow. Thank you for sharing this new awareness and love you! (as an introvert who also periodically goes into a hole and comes back to friends and family as if no time has past, I am sending you a high five for that trait 🥰)
Thank you, my love ❤️ we are different but i love where we meet in the middle ❤️
Me too! With GF hot cross buns especially. 😋
Very excited for you to now know that your were never “crazy” just different .
I have adhd too - diagnosis late sept last year when I couldn’t study for my exam . I am now 51 year. Like you I too am fearful of drugs . But here’s the kicker. They are not addicting . I tell my own patients to go off them over the weekends if they want to . I use vyvanse - it’s a prodrug and is only released once the lysine which it is attached to is broken off the amphetaime . Once it has metabolized - it’s done and you go back to “crazy” you lol .
There is no high feeling . You just function and focus on the task at hand . Mind you , you can still become distracted but the medication allows you to focus on what you want to focus on . It has regulated my mood a lot . I’m normally very reactive but now I sit there quietly as my partner goes blah blah blah . Lol .
Try it for a week and see the difference . I promise you , you will write more courses in half the time.
If you are still perimenopausal - your fluctuating hormones will alter your adhd symptoms .
Look up the attitudemag. Com and search for woman with adhd. There is a video by a psychiatrist.
There’s nothing to feel ashamed about . Adhd folks make great hackers in life . Our sense of coping skills is far better than most out there .
I wish you much more dopamine filled days .
Love to baba 🥰
also YES! Perimenopause has intensified it for sure. I've been reading about how hormone changes impact us 👍
Google Dr Sarah Binder . She’s a psychiatrist in Canada who works with adhd patients and gave a webinar on adhd in women. I think the video is either on attitudemag or CADDAC website. I love her insight and attend all of her webinars when invited.
I encourage you to entertain the idea of a trial for just a week or so . It primes the “no i don’t want drugs” mindset to be open an accepting of whatever the results.
If you try vyvanse - ask for 10mg to start off with . It’s below the starting dose of 20mg but I do this with patients to give them the opportunity to deal with any mild nausea or headaches that may come with the medication use. Some stay on this dose and some titrate up . Curiosity leads to the increase in dosing until they realize “oh I get the same effects with a lower dose”. The reason I like vyvanse - it’s releases the amphetaime at a stable dose throughout the day and kicks in within an hour . It can last in your system for up to 12-14 hours but some are fast metabolizers and the Med wears off sooner .
If you try concerta which is methylphenidate , it has a OROS releasing system . A spike and then steady release. Start on the lowest dose too . Many patients can’t tolerate the spike and feel stir crazy .
Other adhd meds work on the “bead release system “ so there’s never a feeling of “steady state”.
I suggest a long acting Med over a short acting Med as you don’t want to be “remembering” yet another task to take your second pill .
I have an excellent chart on all of the medication used in adhd . I will email this to you :)
Thank you so much for all this! I'm actually very open to trying medication as a tool to support me -- I'd love to see that chart, thank you Natasha ❤️❤️
Thank you for all this, hon! I wouldn't take a pill to change my brain to "normal" but i'm actually very open to trying medication to see how it can support me, so very encouraging to read your insights, thank you!