Everything about this spoke to me. I always have healthy things in my fridge...That get tossed out on trash day. I get so aggravated with myself. Learning I have ADHD has helped me so much learn to give myself grace.
Then on Easter I finally fixed a Key Lime pie. I hand squeezed the limes and everything. Only one person tried it. I was so mad. I spent all this time actually making something. (I am usually the one who brings the drinks) and no one ate it. I took the whole thing home afterwards so no one else could enjoy it. F them! It was delicious. I will be making small ones for myself in the future. No one else gets to enjoy my energy.
late to the party on this one but, I could have written this myself. Post divorce, grown children who've left the coop, and a boyfriend I only see on the weekends, I practically never make the soup. I used to be one of those people who found comfort in the chopping and serving loved ones but not these days. It all feels too overwhelming and then there's the clean up, so my diet is shit and my credit card is full of take outs that aren't doing me any favors. having said all that, it's comforting to know I'm not alone.
I sometimes look at the contents of my fridge and think, "It looks like a healthy person lives here." Later I either forget about some of the contents or find myself less than enthused about turning them into something. I live in a place where produce has to travel quite a bit to get to us and sometimes it's already rotten on the shelves. When it looks tolerable it doesn't last. And the cost? Astronomical. Still, I'm learning to work with my brain and body. Squash is one thing I am able to cook as long as I get it into the oven within 2-3 days of bringing it home! I wash it, prick it, and stick it in the oven whole and bake it until it's soft. Then I cut it open and remove the seeds. It works for me. That being said I understand when squash or other food items feel like an insurmountable task.
I love reading all the comments under your articles and feeling connected to a community of people who are each on similar but different journeys.
Thanks Susannah! I just love your way of being so in touch with your feelings and sharing them eloquently, so I can acknowledge those feelings, too. I am neurotypical, but there are often days and weeks where I don’t have enough executive function by the end of the day to cool from scratch, and vegetables rot while I keep pushing back my planned meals. This happens a lot with work, too. So relatable.
Reading this, I empathize with you, Susannah - deeply so. You've eloquently described something I've done time and again with any number of food and non-food things. You have me wondering whether or not I'm neurodivergent. You also have me mentally assessing what I have in the fridge and the pantry, because now I want soup. xo
I could have written this post. (Only not as eloquently). That’s basically my life. And, sadly, also a contributor to my substantial weight gain over the decades. Food shopping, meal planning, recipes, COOKING - always paralyzed and overwhelmed me. And guilt soup is the perfect name for it because man, that guilt is so real.
Since learning about the connection between ADHD and cooking I’ve been working on ways to turn the guilt soup into actual soup more often. One thing that’s really helping is doing the food prep and cooking separately. So for instance, when I take a break from work during the day (also learning to do that more often during times of hyperfocus) instead of mindlessly scrolling my phone I’ll go into the kitchen and chop up the veggies for dinner. Having everything already prepared when it’s time to cook in the evening is a game changer! xo
yes! I sometimes brings out the bits i need and put them on the counter during the day - the cans of tomatoes, the onions, the pan on the stove, etc, so they're ready for when i have to cook.... but that's not guaranteed to work. Sometimes that all lives on the counter for the whole week. I mean, at least i now know WHY this happens and no longer feel quite so shit about it, but still so frustrating (and hard to explain to neurotypical peeps, it seems so ridiculous) 🤪
Oh my....totally get this. Beets are the poor things I love, but also meet the fate of your soup ingredients. Only I like them in my house- my husband doesn’t. So I’ll buy just one. It first needs to be roasted in the oven for an hour. Then it needs to cool off and spend time in the fridge. It needs to be peeled. Then I need some fresh salad ingredients and nuts to make a beet salad. I’d say 1 out of 3 beets actually makes it through those steps in time and into my mouth.
I do however have a little hack to getting things going....like painting a room, making a complicated recipe, etc. Just do step one. Before you start, tell yourself that you are just going to do the first step. For me anyway, once I get past step one, I’m usually all the way in. If not, it might be after step 2. Either way, there is progress. And all that guilt that built up while agonizing over starting just disappears 😊
So, when I begin to cook, anything, let alone soup, my mind starts going elsewhere and loses track of what I'm doing. I'm not a cook at heart and don't even feel guilty about it. I'm just so lucky that my partner provides cooked meals for both of us! But I'm curious as to why cooking and the whole process of food planning, is totally beyond me. The only thing I regret of my twenties is the innocence, the not knowing that life could become really difficult. Thanks for this beautiful post.
Never rush yourself into making soup. Soup is slooow. Luckily it needs little to get it started, as the fire does almost all the work. Wait if you need to, but freeze all the veggies in a soup scrap bag so as not to let them go to waste. Soup is the perfect food, I hope it will be magically bubbling away on your stove top soon. I have started cooking with friends twice a month. That could be the ticket!
I feel this post in a very very real way. It makes me feel so much better knowing that someone else feels this way. I'm not neurodivergent but I feel this deeply.
Everything about this spoke to me. I always have healthy things in my fridge...That get tossed out on trash day. I get so aggravated with myself. Learning I have ADHD has helped me so much learn to give myself grace.
Then on Easter I finally fixed a Key Lime pie. I hand squeezed the limes and everything. Only one person tried it. I was so mad. I spent all this time actually making something. (I am usually the one who brings the drinks) and no one ate it. I took the whole thing home afterwards so no one else could enjoy it. F them! It was delicious. I will be making small ones for myself in the future. No one else gets to enjoy my energy.
late to the party on this one but, I could have written this myself. Post divorce, grown children who've left the coop, and a boyfriend I only see on the weekends, I practically never make the soup. I used to be one of those people who found comfort in the chopping and serving loved ones but not these days. It all feels too overwhelming and then there's the clean up, so my diet is shit and my credit card is full of take outs that aren't doing me any favors. having said all that, it's comforting to know I'm not alone.
I sometimes look at the contents of my fridge and think, "It looks like a healthy person lives here." Later I either forget about some of the contents or find myself less than enthused about turning them into something. I live in a place where produce has to travel quite a bit to get to us and sometimes it's already rotten on the shelves. When it looks tolerable it doesn't last. And the cost? Astronomical. Still, I'm learning to work with my brain and body. Squash is one thing I am able to cook as long as I get it into the oven within 2-3 days of bringing it home! I wash it, prick it, and stick it in the oven whole and bake it until it's soft. Then I cut it open and remove the seeds. It works for me. That being said I understand when squash or other food items feel like an insurmountable task.
I love reading all the comments under your articles and feeling connected to a community of people who are each on similar but different journeys.
Thanks Susannah! I just love your way of being so in touch with your feelings and sharing them eloquently, so I can acknowledge those feelings, too. I am neurotypical, but there are often days and weeks where I don’t have enough executive function by the end of the day to cool from scratch, and vegetables rot while I keep pushing back my planned meals. This happens a lot with work, too. So relatable.
When the shoulds come out maybe it’s time to swap them for a pot of lovely veggie soup someone else made available to buy? 😘xx
You KNOW I have some M&S soup in my fridge 😂 not the same, but it will do for now
I know, it’s the berating/disappointment in yourself for something that is innately you and not a failing 🤗xx
Reading this, I empathize with you, Susannah - deeply so. You've eloquently described something I've done time and again with any number of food and non-food things. You have me wondering whether or not I'm neurodivergent. You also have me mentally assessing what I have in the fridge and the pantry, because now I want soup. xo
Oh, I feel you so much in this, dear Susannah! 🧡 Thank you for such a vivid and genuine sharing 😌
I could have written this post. (Only not as eloquently). That’s basically my life. And, sadly, also a contributor to my substantial weight gain over the decades. Food shopping, meal planning, recipes, COOKING - always paralyzed and overwhelmed me. And guilt soup is the perfect name for it because man, that guilt is so real.
Since learning about the connection between ADHD and cooking I’ve been working on ways to turn the guilt soup into actual soup more often. One thing that’s really helping is doing the food prep and cooking separately. So for instance, when I take a break from work during the day (also learning to do that more often during times of hyperfocus) instead of mindlessly scrolling my phone I’ll go into the kitchen and chop up the veggies for dinner. Having everything already prepared when it’s time to cook in the evening is a game changer! xo
yes! I sometimes brings out the bits i need and put them on the counter during the day - the cans of tomatoes, the onions, the pan on the stove, etc, so they're ready for when i have to cook.... but that's not guaranteed to work. Sometimes that all lives on the counter for the whole week. I mean, at least i now know WHY this happens and no longer feel quite so shit about it, but still so frustrating (and hard to explain to neurotypical peeps, it seems so ridiculous) 🤪
Yep. That’s why this only works if it’s all fully prepared, i.e chopped up, out of the can (into a covered bowl ready to pour) etc. 🧅🥬🍅🥰🥒
Oh my....totally get this. Beets are the poor things I love, but also meet the fate of your soup ingredients. Only I like them in my house- my husband doesn’t. So I’ll buy just one. It first needs to be roasted in the oven for an hour. Then it needs to cool off and spend time in the fridge. It needs to be peeled. Then I need some fresh salad ingredients and nuts to make a beet salad. I’d say 1 out of 3 beets actually makes it through those steps in time and into my mouth.
I do however have a little hack to getting things going....like painting a room, making a complicated recipe, etc. Just do step one. Before you start, tell yourself that you are just going to do the first step. For me anyway, once I get past step one, I’m usually all the way in. If not, it might be after step 2. Either way, there is progress. And all that guilt that built up while agonizing over starting just disappears 😊
So, when I begin to cook, anything, let alone soup, my mind starts going elsewhere and loses track of what I'm doing. I'm not a cook at heart and don't even feel guilty about it. I'm just so lucky that my partner provides cooked meals for both of us! But I'm curious as to why cooking and the whole process of food planning, is totally beyond me. The only thing I regret of my twenties is the innocence, the not knowing that life could become really difficult. Thanks for this beautiful post.
Thank you for this. Now I've been guilted into the kitchen to chop veggies for a stew!
Never rush yourself into making soup. Soup is slooow. Luckily it needs little to get it started, as the fire does almost all the work. Wait if you need to, but freeze all the veggies in a soup scrap bag so as not to let them go to waste. Soup is the perfect food, I hope it will be magically bubbling away on your stove top soon. I have started cooking with friends twice a month. That could be the ticket!
Neurodivergent soup guilt is a whole mood 🫠
I feel this post in a very very real way. It makes me feel so much better knowing that someone else feels this way. I'm not neurodivergent but I feel this deeply.
Dam that was sooo good.
With or with out soup
LOL -- I love when you so perfectly articulate all the things that run though my mind. I've so been there.