39 Comments

Grief is weird and totally human in how it pops up in the odd moments. It’s a good reason why I have taken so long to find my own way to be comfortable with reading this post. Still having the time of my first couple of years of loss from a long time friend in a dog shaped way. Last year was the end of the first year and the beginning of our first year with a cat that waltzed in our front door one month to the day before the dog had been gone a year. So it is hard and soft and everything else. You totally made sense to me at the side of 50, by -1, and it all is just so familiar and human. I do hope that the fatigue lifts soon, that sounds like one of my flares. Not fun at all very much! I get through it by setting up a timer or alarm for a few minutes and seeing what I can get done before I rest for a set amount of time. If you have heard of pomodoro technique for studying, they do 25 minutes of reading and then 5 minutes of doing something active for a break, well I adapted that technique with different times for whatever I wanted to do and had the resources for. I typically use a 5 minutes of activity and a 10-15 minute break to get through a session of cleaning the house with the breaks being done while sitting and reading or something else that I can do that is not actually standing activity but also needed doing. Unless I need a nap, and then I nap, no alarm unless it’s an appointment day.

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So nice to see you back, I smiled when I saw you had posted ! I enjoy you over on Instagram so nice to see you here . Perimenopause is a ride I relate to. Was lovey to read your words welcome back

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It's really helpful to hear others experiences of fatigue in mid life. I developed fibromyalgia at 45 so though we're all different, I do find it hard to know how much is that and how much is hormonal. I guess I'll never know completely but knowing that fatigue is a fairly normal experience with perimenopause makes me feel a bit better. ❤️

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I've missed your writing here! xo

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I've missed reading your writing (even though I still get your email newsletters), so I was excited to see your post on IG saying you'd written on Substack again. ❤️

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hooray! you're back (even if it's only sort of). so lovely to hear from you. I remember a scene from a TV show where someone was trying to explain why grief was so hard. And they said something along the lines of "their presence was familiar and now my brain has to undo all the pathways that expect that familiarity". which I think is so hard because how do we untangle the grief while still preserving the memory? it's an impossibly difficult task so sending you lots of love from afar. and looking forward to hearing more from you again when you're ready 💕💕💕

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We foster and are often foster failures so unfortunately I understand your grief all too well. And you happened to have lost your beautiful friend on my birthday.😭 When I lost one of my soulmate kitties, I got as much to commemorate him as I could. I have a tattoo, ornament, painting and more! There’s something healing about having new and different ways to see him around. Sending you lots of love and I’m glad you are back here.

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Susannah, your authentic writing always makes me feel so seen! Thank you for being you and for sharing so much of your real life. Your profound feelings of pet loss and your heart “expanding” with new loves, resonates so much. And when I read - “At least once a day I’m so tired I could lie down and die. Dramatic, yes, but ACCURATE. I’m terrified that this is it, that this fatigue is the shape of the rest of my life.” - I couldn’t believe how much it resonated. At nearly 52, I feel the fatigue of menopause can be all consuming. Thank you again for putting so many of our feelings and experiences into your own words!🫶🏼

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So glad to see you back, Susannah. I can recommend Wise Power by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer for you and anyone going through perimenopause. It is so helpful for understanding the whole metamorphosis of the menopause transition (on every level, not just the physical). The best book I’ve read on the subject. They have some great resources in www.redschool.net too.

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yes i agree - I'm half way through it! 👍

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Welcome back! It is lovely to hear your voice and see your cuties. I can only imagine the emotions that are ebbing and flowing through you. My home is still silent after losing our fat, chocolate lab years ago. I couldn't fill that void. I was scared to dive into that love again. I do pet sit occasionally, and it is wonderful to feel an animal's companionship and unconditional love. It soothes my heart, but I know I am not yet ready. It sounds like you made the perfect decision for you. Congratulations on the little ones and I look forward to seeing what comes out of your creativity. It never fails to inspire and uplift my life.

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Susannah, I think grief gets harder as we get older because the current grief (whether animal or human) brings back reminders of all our previous losses, and that list just keeps getting longer. I’m so glad that you have the kittens, to help reconnect you to life and hope and the future!

On another note, please make sure to mention the excessive bleeding to your doctor or nurse. It could be a sign of fibroids or some other issue not directly related to menopause. Not trying to be alarmist, just speaking as one who has been there 💕

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Hi love, yes, i have a history of fibroids so getting an appt with my meno doc is on the list for sure 👍

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Lovely to see your name in my inbox. I’m a year younger than you and also perimenapausal… the struggle to be okay with the never-ending fatigue as well as the never-ending feeling of transitioning gets wearing. I want to gnaw my way out of the cocoon but I’m not clear on what I’m expecting on the other side or where I’m going to go when I’ve gotten out… I suppose there’s time to figure that out while my wings dry? Anyway, just wanted to share that you’re not alone in this liminal space and I’m cheering you on (between naps, of course!).

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Why is there still no conversation about this pivotal time in a woman's life? There are days when I feel completely sunk under by my emotions. I can't seem to find the ground. Other times, I am on top of the world and can see vast opportunities. The ups and downs are draining, and then I add guilt to the whole mess. You are definitely not alone.

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The wings will take a while to dry and then be taken for a test fly - we have time! 😘

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Love and slow sweet full healing to you Susannah 💗

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Thank you Jiling! x

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Wow that post resonated with me in so many ways. Grief for animals, grief for precious loved ones, overwhelming fatigue, bonding with a new pup, all of it. So much so it brings tears to my eyes.

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Hugs to you, Ginny! xo

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What a lovely and human (and not at all whiny) post. I’m working my way through the recent losses of my father and my brother and my dog, and it helps to know that grief is an experience that connects us (even when we might feel completely alone in our own individual grief). Sending so much love to you, to the kittens, and to the memories of those you’ve lost.

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Sending tender hugs to you, love! xo

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beautiful memories, present and past. I cried as I read your post. I am about to lose my little dog. She is so brave, gallant and fisty. the love of my life. It is hard to imagine life without her. Thanks for sharing

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I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Sending thoughts and prayers.

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Oh Jane, I am so sorry to hear that. We do survive this but i won't lie, it's hard at the start xxx 😘

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