I've been totally off the grid for the past few weeks so I'm a little late to the party, but thanks so much for this Susannah. I'm at a slightly different place.... Turning 60 in a month and post menopausel, since 54ish. I was divorcing during perimenopause (not fun). HRT helped immensely and the physical changes were overshadowed by the divorce. Now though, I'm dating and I have to say that in addition to all the excitement, newness, and wonderment of finding love again, there is the shock of learning to love my "new" body (read belly fat), trying to not be shy being naked in this new body, and learning to manage all this DRYNESS. O. M. G.
Fortunately, my new love is extremely understanding. But I (and my self confidence) are a work in progress. Having said that though... Sex at 59 is pretty amazing... Thank the gods for lube 😊
One of my lovely circle mentioned your newsletter to me (this post specifically) and I’m so glad they did. I’m somewhere between perimenopause and menopause and likely about to begin HRT. I’m very open about my journey with aging and it’s one that I want to approach with curiosity and as much compassion as I can muster. But wow, it certainly is layered and complex. Community has been an essential component of helping me feel less isolated in my experiences. Also, I refuse (REFUSE!) to be ashamed of entering menopause/visibly aging. So much so that I make a point of posting about all the things I’m supposed to hide. Crepe-like sagging skin, vaginal dryness, high anxiety, low libido. I share about it all. It’s also true that I’ve never loved myself more or felt more confident. Again, layered and complex! Thank you for sharing so beautifully and meaningfully with us. I’m delighted to have found you.
I am on the other side of all this, but I wish I had this to read back in my late 40's. It is a time in our lives we get no guidance, and it's scary, and maddening and sad sometimes.
Perimenopause took me on a wild and terrifying ride that I'm still trying to understand. The "... desire to burn everything to the ground" resonates - there's a particular brand of surprising rage that accompanies this chapter. I've written lots about my own experience with peri/meno, rage, hormones, general misunderstood midlife madness. The creative outlet and the connection with others may have saved me.
I’m 70 now and during my late 40s experienced heavy “flooding.” I couldn’t believe that this was happening like it did in my early periods at 13 and I started laughing, but with each hearty guffaw, I bled even more fiercely...right down my legs and through my jeans!
It’s funny I was just thinking about how much I love menopause, now that the peri-storm has moved on. It’s a very free feeling to not have to worry about ruining my clothes with an unpredictable period or birth control failures or regular repeating weeks of tears. So there may be hope! This is coming from someone who had a hot flash an hour for a while there.
I’ve been following your work for years now. Thank you for sharing your journeys with us, it’s much appreciated. I’m dealing with the news I have several fibroids after worsening periods and anemia. It’s a shame we don’t talk about these things more. We’re obviously not the only ones going through any of it. 💜
This was such an interesting read. ad been on birth control pills for about 20 years for PMDD. I went to get a recent supply of them and couldn’t get them (long story). My intuition told me to wait a bit and see if I even have a period. I haven’t had one in months so this explains some of the symptoms I have experienced. I didn’t even make the connection until I read Hagitude by Sharon Blackie. I have had mixed feelings about menopause because of all the assumptions about women going through it, and afterwards. Right now I am feeling a little liberated and I hoping I don’t have a period again. I do feel a little grief about it but mostly I think I will feel relieved.
This is such a brilliant piece. I'm 51 now and increasingly I'm finding that the more I talk about menopause and my journey through it, the more people seem to connect with it. It's like, as a society we've kept all this stuff under the radar for so long and now we are finally talking about it, it's like releasing the lid off a pressure cooker. Ironically the most DMs I get are from women keen to tell me that in their day "they just got on with it" and didn't make a fuss. To which I always respond with, just because you got though childbirth unscathed and without medical intervention doesn't mean that you would deny that for someone who was struggling medically. Menopause is exactly the same, just a different phase of life. Some people sail through it, some need All The Bloody Drugs 😂
Thank you got such insightful words and reflections. The best part I think about menopause is that I love the term ‘Crone’ and I feel proud to be one. 💪💪💪
I feel like I missed out on a or on many sisterhood “moments”... at 69 my last period came and went quietly at age 53 without fanfare or incident and then that was that. I never had flashes of hot or cold or inklings that my period was on the way out it just disappeared from my life much like the relationships I’ve had ... leaving a taste of memory and sweet nectar of youth. Now I’m old and don’t necessarily miss wearing a Tampax but realize with the loss of what symbolized virility I have settled into an a sexuality that is one dimensional and genderless.
I am so heartened to hear that you got the help you needed from the folks at Newson. Her frankness and spirit is needed. Sadly, I'm in the US. But I think I have finally found a practitioner that will work for and with me!
Oh I so needed to read this. Thank you so much for writing and sharing the excepts from before from when I probably got them but couldn’t see them. I so appreciate this. ⭕️ 🔥
I'm only 34, but my mom was in menopause around 40, and I'm starting to recognize some shifts in my cycle that have really thrown me for a loop. I had my first really delayed cycle last month and my reaction was almost identical to yours. They don't prepare you for this! Such wonderful, comforting words. I'm saving this to read again and again.
Thank you for speaking out about this topic 🙏🏻🙏🏻 it’s always a joy to read you, but more so about this. And you ALWAYS write beautifully!!
I've been totally off the grid for the past few weeks so I'm a little late to the party, but thanks so much for this Susannah. I'm at a slightly different place.... Turning 60 in a month and post menopausel, since 54ish. I was divorcing during perimenopause (not fun). HRT helped immensely and the physical changes were overshadowed by the divorce. Now though, I'm dating and I have to say that in addition to all the excitement, newness, and wonderment of finding love again, there is the shock of learning to love my "new" body (read belly fat), trying to not be shy being naked in this new body, and learning to manage all this DRYNESS. O. M. G.
Fortunately, my new love is extremely understanding. But I (and my self confidence) are a work in progress. Having said that though... Sex at 59 is pretty amazing... Thank the gods for lube 😊
One of my lovely circle mentioned your newsletter to me (this post specifically) and I’m so glad they did. I’m somewhere between perimenopause and menopause and likely about to begin HRT. I’m very open about my journey with aging and it’s one that I want to approach with curiosity and as much compassion as I can muster. But wow, it certainly is layered and complex. Community has been an essential component of helping me feel less isolated in my experiences. Also, I refuse (REFUSE!) to be ashamed of entering menopause/visibly aging. So much so that I make a point of posting about all the things I’m supposed to hide. Crepe-like sagging skin, vaginal dryness, high anxiety, low libido. I share about it all. It’s also true that I’ve never loved myself more or felt more confident. Again, layered and complex! Thank you for sharing so beautifully and meaningfully with us. I’m delighted to have found you.
So many layers and so complex -- oof yes! Happy to have found you too, love! xx
I am on the other side of all this, but I wish I had this to read back in my late 40's. It is a time in our lives we get no guidance, and it's scary, and maddening and sad sometimes.
Embrace your Crone!
Perimenopause took me on a wild and terrifying ride that I'm still trying to understand. The "... desire to burn everything to the ground" resonates - there's a particular brand of surprising rage that accompanies this chapter. I've written lots about my own experience with peri/meno, rage, hormones, general misunderstood midlife madness. The creative outlet and the connection with others may have saved me.
I’m 70 now and during my late 40s experienced heavy “flooding.” I couldn’t believe that this was happening like it did in my early periods at 13 and I started laughing, but with each hearty guffaw, I bled even more fiercely...right down my legs and through my jeans!
It’s funny I was just thinking about how much I love menopause, now that the peri-storm has moved on. It’s a very free feeling to not have to worry about ruining my clothes with an unpredictable period or birth control failures or regular repeating weeks of tears. So there may be hope! This is coming from someone who had a hot flash an hour for a while there.
I’ve been following your work for years now. Thank you for sharing your journeys with us, it’s much appreciated. I’m dealing with the news I have several fibroids after worsening periods and anemia. It’s a shame we don’t talk about these things more. We’re obviously not the only ones going through any of it. 💜
I have fibroids too, i see you love xx
This was such an interesting read. ad been on birth control pills for about 20 years for PMDD. I went to get a recent supply of them and couldn’t get them (long story). My intuition told me to wait a bit and see if I even have a period. I haven’t had one in months so this explains some of the symptoms I have experienced. I didn’t even make the connection until I read Hagitude by Sharon Blackie. I have had mixed feelings about menopause because of all the assumptions about women going through it, and afterwards. Right now I am feeling a little liberated and I hoping I don’t have a period again. I do feel a little grief about it but mostly I think I will feel relieved.
I am so grateful to you to openly talk about this and share this!! It's so important. Thank you!!
Restless legs! Ha. I am in the very early stages of peri-menopause, but my legs have been feeling so weird recently...
This is such a brilliant piece. I'm 51 now and increasingly I'm finding that the more I talk about menopause and my journey through it, the more people seem to connect with it. It's like, as a society we've kept all this stuff under the radar for so long and now we are finally talking about it, it's like releasing the lid off a pressure cooker. Ironically the most DMs I get are from women keen to tell me that in their day "they just got on with it" and didn't make a fuss. To which I always respond with, just because you got though childbirth unscathed and without medical intervention doesn't mean that you would deny that for someone who was struggling medically. Menopause is exactly the same, just a different phase of life. Some people sail through it, some need All The Bloody Drugs 😂
The "we just got on with it" comments are not helpful, are they 🙄 Your response is perfect :-)
Thank you got such insightful words and reflections. The best part I think about menopause is that I love the term ‘Crone’ and I feel proud to be one. 💪💪💪
I feel like I missed out on a or on many sisterhood “moments”... at 69 my last period came and went quietly at age 53 without fanfare or incident and then that was that. I never had flashes of hot or cold or inklings that my period was on the way out it just disappeared from my life much like the relationships I’ve had ... leaving a taste of memory and sweet nectar of youth. Now I’m old and don’t necessarily miss wearing a Tampax but realize with the loss of what symbolized virility I have settled into an a sexuality that is one dimensional and genderless.
Thank you for sharing. It's good to not only hear the voices who are having a hard time!
I am so heartened to hear that you got the help you needed from the folks at Newson. Her frankness and spirit is needed. Sadly, I'm in the US. But I think I have finally found a practitioner that will work for and with me!
Oh I so needed to read this. Thank you so much for writing and sharing the excepts from before from when I probably got them but couldn’t see them. I so appreciate this. ⭕️ 🔥
I'm only 34, but my mom was in menopause around 40, and I'm starting to recognize some shifts in my cycle that have really thrown me for a loop. I had my first really delayed cycle last month and my reaction was almost identical to yours. They don't prepare you for this! Such wonderful, comforting words. I'm saving this to read again and again.
That's yet another thing they don't tell you! It can absolutely start in your 30s 🤪 Glad you're in tune with your body, love xx