Thoughts from this morning #1

A peek inside the wilderness that is my head

1. You’ve got nothing to write about.

2. I mean, you could write about how it feels to be getting older but there are older people than you online, who cares about your perspective?

3. And people younger than you don’t care what you have to say because you are now invisible to them.

4. It’s interesting that these are points 1 to 3. Did you realise you were feeling this way about aging?

5. You’ve been thinking you’ve got nothing left to heal, that you’re 50 now and all your shit has been sifted through and put away tidily — hence there’s nothing left to write about. But that’s not true, is it.

6. Why does writing online feel like it has to be deep and meaningful? Where did that come from from?

7. Maybe it’s a response to all the pointless stuff that litters the internet. Everything feels so disposable. Why bother adding to that noise?

8. But then why add to the silence of middle-aged women? Also, “middle-aged women” as a term and concept needs to die now. 

9. So what do you want to write about? 

10. When you think all the shit has been sifted and tidied it can feel like a void inside, but the void is actually a doorway leading inward.

11. What was that quote again? 

12. <can’t find the quote>

13. You live life more inwardly these days. I’m proud of you for loving it, claiming it, doing what you want. There is so much more freedom at this age.

14. And fear of loss. There’s a lot of fear of loss at this age.

15. The 18-year anniversary is this week. I see it floating around your head, but you don’t want to write about that. Save it for your journal.

16. Is this list helping to unblock the stream?

17. There’s so much to write about.