Thoughts from this morning #2

A peek inside the wilderness that is my head

1. When does it get easier?

2. I should go for a walk.

3. I’m tired.

4. I’m always fucking tired!

5. I want to buy something…

6. [Orders a tarot deck]

7. I mean, if I add up all the alcohol I no longer drink and all the cigarettes I no longer smoke, it’s about the same… right?

8. Ooh, I can change the Substack layout……. [loses 30 mins down that rabbit hole]

9. I need to write my love letter

10. I need to write a blog post

11. I need to ________ [THE LIST IS ENDLESS]

12. I must order flowers for [name redacted]

13. I feel really angry about the coronation. 

14. Wait, think about the baby fox. It’s tiny little face!!!!!

15. I’m jealous of [name redacted]’s book deal. Wow, where did that come from?

16. Is it jealousy or envy? What am I making it mean?

17. I could write a book again. Or could I? Could I?? Do I even have the bandwidth?

18. Well, that’s depressing. But would I want to be 30 again?

19. [slips into thought vortex]

20. No I wouldn’t [do I mean that or am I just saying it?] ACTUAL me at 30 was an emotional car crash, I don’t want to be her again. I need to give her some love. I’m always shunning her.

21. It’s easy to love little Susie when she’s a cute 8 year old, but 30 year-old Susannah gets nothing from me.

22. How could I spend more time with her? What could we even do together? Her core pastimes were pining after unavailable men and drinking wine.

23. sigh

24. Did I break my own heart? Is that what’s wrong with it? 

25. I don’t want to think about that

26. I have so much to do. I don’t know where to start

27. I’ll write something for Substack.

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